Monogamy

Monogamy [ma‘neg:mi] A sexual relationship with one person only. In the long run it often leads to having a relationship with this persons family.	Yes, it is difficult to be monogamous sometimes. Not because you don’t love your boy/girlfriend. - And not because you feel you have to have an adventure. No, not at all. The problem goes a hell of a lot deeper and encompasses the two laws of modern relationships: routine and the ”why is the only time I can get it when I don’t need it?”-syndrome.
	First things first and the routine is not first. It is rather the time when two perfectly normal people who live together start taking each other for granted. No more impulsive sex in the kitchen drawers or careful thoughtfulness –no-uh – we’re talking other stuff. The main thing with routine is the lack of respect and ordering around aspect that couples can tend to do. When this happens they scream for each other to bring things from all parts of the room even though it is completely unnecessary – they also pretend they are 132 year-old grandmothers and grandfathers. Everyone who has ever been single surrounded by twenty-something friends in long-term monogamous relationships would probably sell their soul to avoid going to yet another dinner-party where people talk about the colour of the curtains and what a great weather it was last summer (alternative what a rainy summer it was. But next years should be better. Yes let’s hope that. And what about those curtains???) Bahh. The next syndrome is all the more dangerous – a classic relationship breaker among young horny men. The problem is that for many of us are really bad when it comes to picking up women. We try talking indirectly about ourselves until the woman takes us to bed. We get nervous and as soon as we start talking to some young gorgeous chick in the bar our brains ramblings about potential sexual pleasure makes our conversation resemble a tripping George W. Bush. However, when we have girlfriends we have no problem talking to or attracting women or (if we feel like it) taking them to bed. Why? Because we have a security, we don’t have to worry about our next move and can allow ourselves to be laid-back and charming in a more relaxed manner. Of course this persona is much more attractive than the rambling idiot who drewlingly is trying to remember the one-liner that worked for him on that drunken fiesta last November. But even if we are aware of this, it is difficult to act the relaxed Mr Charming without having the security girlfriend. Admittively, most of us men are truly pathetic. But back to the real problem, when we are attractive we already have a girlfriend and when we are alone we aren’t attractive. Bahh and bahh again. And then of course, a long-term monogamous relationship includes the family of your partner. This means funny uncle Baha who always jokes about his trip to the toilet in Phuket and auntie GRRRR who always tries to slap your bum while singing ”happy birthday MR President”. And so on and so on and so on. These are the things that make you want to quit relationships altogether and instead wait until it rains and then go out and fuck some mud. But mud-fucking aside. The beauty with a monogamous relationship is that you are allowed to fully explore another person while her surface slowly is evaporating. In many short-time haremesque relationships you get only the surface with gimmicks such as one-liners, clothes and make-up. Also, after you have been with a person for a while they let down their guard and show you who they really are – sometimes mad, sometimes manic and sometimes wonderful. Much more interesting than three one night stands in a Turkish harem. But then, there is nothing wrong with mud-fucking either. [danny wattin, adelaide – who’s only pick-up trick is talking until someone takes him to bed just to shut him up.]



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